Fear in Death

By Mike Banta

 

 

Therefore, since [we] share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise also partook of the same, that through death He might render powerless him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, and might free those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all their lives.

 

                                                                                    Hebrews 2:14-15

 

Hearing Bruce’s message this last Sunday recalled one of the most agonizing yet liberating experiences of my life. Note that this is very personal; I hope that it brings encouragement to you.

 

I would consider myself a former slave to the fear of death. My father died at the age of 54. When I reached that same age, I went into a period of deep anxiety and depression. After months of misery, I began counseling. My Christian counselor helped me explore these emotions and identified with me that I believed I would not outlive my father. As a matter of fact, none of my direct male forebears of the last century had reached the age of 60. (I broke the record when I reached 60 some years ago.)

 

Years before this episode of anxiety and depression, I had a very vivid and unusual dream:

 

I was lying down in an antechamber of a stately cathedral made of grey stone. A pure white eagle was in the room with me. I turned to my daughter sitting near me, and exclaimed, “Careful! He’s not a tame eagle!” Those of you who have read C.S. Lewis’s Narnia series might catch the allusion to Aslan who as a lion was also not tame.

 

The eagle left its perch and flew out of sight through a doorway. I stood and followed. A tall set of frosted windows opened onto a starry night sky and the eagle flew out. As I stood at the window a set of hands reached down to me from the sky. I experienced a shot of pure unadulterated love through my being. It was more intense than anything I had ever felt. It was as if my body and soul was ready to explode. I shouted out, “Stop! I can’t take any more!” I immediately awoke from the dream.

 

I puzzled for many months on this dream. It seemed to me that this was a dream such as described in Joel 2:28 (…I will pour out my Spirit on all mankind; …Your old men will dream dreams, Your young men will see visions). However, I could not fathom its meaning. Then, after going through the counseling over my fears, I was reminded of the dream in a time of prayer. I sensed the Lord saying something incredibly profound to me: “The only difference between that dream and the day you die, is that instead of saying, ‘Stop!’, you will say, ‘I’m ready.’”

 

This picture of God as pure intense love has sustained me through many fearful times. Even more, I can look forward to the time when I will see Him face to face, and not just endure but embrace and take joy in the fullness of His love. As the writer of Hebrews tells us, He took on human form and partook of death. His resurrection is the seal of approval that He has fully conquered death as one of us, and we no longer need to fear. We have nothing less to look forward to than the full experience of His love.

 

Lord Jesus, I thank you for your boundless love, that you gave your life so that I no longer need to fear death. Teach me to recognize your love as I experience it day to day. I ask that I become more attuned to you and able to experience your love more freely. If fear threatens me, remind me of Your love again. Amen.