Disorientation

By Pat Russell

 

 

This is what I have been feeling these days since we have returned from our July adventure on the road. I can’t get my arms around life or even around one day. I admit that many situations have contributed to my disorientation – house visitors one after the other since we have been back (even though I love them all), fires, drought, COVID-19 still happening at an alarming rate, a dear friend now on hospice, dogs recovering from surgery, unrest in so many areas of the country, a divisive election season, unbelievable news footage of destruction, an aching back, a flooded basement and huge needed repairs including a jack hammer doing its thing right now as I write.

 

Walter Brueggemann, in his book The Message of the Psalms: A Theological Commentary, talks about life as reflected in various Psalms in this way….

 

“Human life consists in satisfied seasons of well-being that evoke gratitude for the constancy of blessing (orientation)… Human life consists in anguished seasons of hurt, alienation, suffering and death. These evoke rage, resentment, self-pity and hatred (disorientation)… Human life consists in turns of surprise when we are overwhelmed with the new gifts of God, when joy breaks through the despair (new orientation).”

 

Our travels across the US in July were definitely a season of “orientation” for me (except, of course, when I lost my glasses). Right now, however, I identify with a season of “disorientation” without all the strong feelings listed above. None the less, the feelings and thoughts that arise in me are negative – confusion, anxiousness, sadness, anger, doubt.

 

So, what do I do while I wait for the “new orientation”? Here is what I have done and will do even this day. First of all, I became aware of my inner condition in these days and acknowledged my present circumstances, feelings and thoughts. I have then declared them “out loud” which is what I have written here. It is like a confession to God and to you, my brothers and sisters.

 

Then, I have sat in quiet reflection in the morning, allowing my body and soul to rest in Him. I read something constructive to my soul including Holy Scripture. This morning I spent time with “In Him all things hold together,” Paul’s words from scripture that Bruce put together for us. I rested in that truth; I’ve been repeating it to myself; I’ve been thinking of all the things that He holds together, including me. I admit my deep need for this grace.

 

This morning I also gazed on the painting from Sunday’s service, The Angelus. I knew a calm that surrounded me in the colors, calling and humility of that scene.

 

On days when I meet with people about their spiritual journeys, I enter into their world and see how they are moving more deeply into Christ and I am so very encouraged.

 

I took a Sabbath rest yesterday, including laying aside all negative thoughts. I communicated with people I love and started a fun mystery.

 

Right now, I am sitting in My Hiding Place, with my dogs, away from the sound of the jackhammer, listening to the wind in the trees and watching the birds and the dance of the leaves.

 

“He restores my soul and leads me in the paths of righteousness.” It is, indeed, a kind of “new orientation” as I go forward into the rest of this day.