By Marilyn Travis
I originally wrote this devotional in the summer of 2020. I think it is appropriate to share it again with you in this time of Lent, especially keeping in mind Becca’s message on Sunday regarding repentance. I’d like to say I no longer struggle with my temper, and though I have made progress I still have a long way to go! I’m thankful for the Lord’s mercy, the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and my husband’s patience!
Let it Go!
My week was next to perfect. I was enjoying wonderful daily walks with Elwood.
A beautiful blue bird swooped down landing right next to me, unafraid. The
cactus is in bloom. We got to see our children and grandson Alex this week. It
was all lovely. Mitch and I were enjoying our garage sale, seeing several
friends and neighbors, minding social distancing but reveling in face to face
encounters.
Then it happened. We posted pictures of our sale on social media. We sold
an antique sideboard we had inherited to the highest bidder. A sentimental
extended family member saw the post and wanted the sideboard. Mitch and I were
smack dab in the middle. So much for my near perfect week.
I will ease the tension right now and let you know that all turned out well. We
were able to cancel the sale and deliver the sideboard to our family member. I
should also let you know that everyone in this little drama behaved civilly.
Our family member was devastated at first and tearful, but never raised her
voice. The person we sold the sideboard to said she understood that family was
more important than business. Mitch was upset that we had caused someone else
emotional pain and felt guilty about having to back out of an agreement,
especially since half payment had already been made.
Did I say everyone in this scenario was civil? I confess I was angry,
indignant, enraged! I ranted and raved about how unfair it all was. Didn’t we
have a right to dispose of a piece of furniture that had been in our home for
thirty years? How dare this person make Mitch feel so upset! We were enjoying
each other’s company, reveling in the day’s activities until this issue ruined
everything! I haven’t been so angry in a very long time. I felt entitled to my
anger. I felt we had been treated unfairly. I felt justified in my rage.
What came next? Conviction. I should rephrase the question to “Who came
next?” The Holy Spirit. He spoke to me through Mitch. Mitch has such an even temperament.
He is always there to help me set my feet on the ground after I lose my temper,
which is more often than I like to admit! Mitch reminded me that love is
unconditional, that family is important. He asked me to let go of my anger and
resentment. He asked me to choose love.
I thought I had. I prayed about it and I slept well. That morning before
watching and listening to our church service, I sat to write in my journal.
What poured out of me onto the paper was a recount of all the anger, indignancy
and rage I’d felt the morning before. This time my rant was on paper. I’m
surprised the pages didn’t burst into flame!
What came next? Conviction. Again I prayed. I felt the Spirit clearly asked me
to let go of my anger. I felt better after spending some time in prayer, so I
started writing again. The second sentence I wrote was “I thought I was
finished venting, but evidently I’m not…”
I’m so thankful that God is patient. After a couple more pages of ranting I
finally wrote “Oh man, I have GOT to LET THIS GO! Maybe I should set out on
foot from our house and climb a fourteener to see if that helps!”
That was not the answer, but something had shifted in my attitude. I tried
something different. I tried staying quiet and listening. I asked the Spirit to
reveal my sin, instead of me confessing what I believed I had done wrong. I
came to realize that the anger, resentment and indignation was a result of
being self-centered and dishonest. I was not thinking about anyone but myself.
I felt guilty because we did not offer the sideboard first to family members,
though we knew we should. We had planned to just hide the fact it was gone, but
I posted pictures on social media that showed the sideboard in the background.
I had been caught in the middle of a deception. Our plan fell apart because of
my actions. I didn’t want to deal with the fact I had been dishonest. I didn’t
want to believe I had been dishonest – after all we weren’t going to lie, we
were just going to hide the truth! I didn’t want to face the ugly facts about
myself and my choices so I chose to get angry and throw blame on the innocent.
I had to truly confess everything. It was not fun. It was not easy. It was
emotionally draining. It was also wonderful. I am so grateful now that I got
caught. Spending so much energy trying to justify my actions and my emotions
was not only exhausting, it was separating me from God.
Ephesians 4: 29 - 5:2 holds special meaning for me today:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful
for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who
listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for
the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and
slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one
another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
I thought about sugar coating this story, so I wouldn’t look so bad. I want
people to believe I would never do such things, never lose my temper, blame the
innocent or try to get away with deception. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only
imperfect person in the body of Christ, though, and I hope sharing my stories
will help you to not feel alone in your own struggles.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins
and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
I am truly at peace. God is good. Thanks be to God!
“How beautiful it is to learn that grace isn’t fragile, and that in the family
of God we can fail and not be a failure.”
– Gloria Gaither –
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