The Hazelnut

By Pat Russell

 

As I walked around My Hiding Place today to the sliding door under the oak trees, I saw the fallen oak nuts laying on the deck. On Sunday Richard Foster reminded me of something Julian of Norwich wrote about a hazelnut which touched my life 15 years ago. This is what I wrote then. I hope you find encouragement in these days.

In 2005, 40 days before Holy Week, I “spent time” with Julian of Norwich by means of the book I Promise You a Crown edited by David Hazard. Julian was an anchoress who lived in England during the Black Plague years (1300’s). An anchoress or anchorite was one who lived in a monastic cell in a cathedral setting with one window open to the world outside. Julian spent most of her time in solitary prayer and meditation, but it was likely that on one day of the week she opened her window to the world and spoke with those who needed her counsel. I picture her like the Peanuts comic strip character Lucy, standing behind her “counter.” But this lady also wrote books about her personal, mystical, near death experiences with God. I was intrigued by her life and her writings, particularly her meditation on a hazelnut!

He showed me something small, about the size of a hazelnut that seemed to lie in the palm of my hand as round as a tiny ball. I tried to understand the sight of it, wondering what it could possibly mean. The answer came: ‘This is all that is made.’ I felt it was so small that it could easily fade to nothing; but again I was told, ‘This lasts and it will go on forever because God loves it. And so it is with every being that God loves.’

I saw three properties about this tiny object. First, God had made it; second, God loves it; and third, that God keeps it. Yet what this really means to me, that he is the Maker, the Keeper, the Lover, I cannot begin to tell. For until I am fully one with him, I can never have full rest nor true bliss, that is to say, until I am so at one with him that no thing created comes between us, my God and me.

We must come to realize this: created things are nothing, and we must turn aside from them to love and have our God who is not made. This is the only reason why we are not fully at ease in heart and soul: that we look to find our true rest in these things that are so little that they contain no rest. And we know not our God, who is almighty, all wise, all good. For he is the very rest. God will be known; he is pleased when we find our rest in him. All that falls short of him will never satisfy us. This is why no soul can be at peace until it is rid of all created things. Only when the soul turns away and denies itself so as to find him who is All will it be able to receive true peace and rest.” (1373)                                                 

And then these were my thoughts as I spent time with this saint:

During the 40 days in preparation for Holy Week I found that I needed to be reminded of many truths that Julian very clearly states throughout her work. I also appreciated Hazard’s reworking of her thoughts, adding prayer and scripture to reinforce what Julian had to say. Two foundational theological truths have ministered to me in these present days.

The first theological truth is concerning God’s envelopment of all that exists and takes place in this world. Julian says, “I saw that God is present in all things…God is at work to accomplish everything that is done… everything is done by Him, no matter how small… Nothing occurs by chance… God himself, who is the beginning and end of all things… the endless happiness and rest that come in knowing everything that is done is well done.” Even in her understanding of pain, suffering, and sin, she operates from an underlying trust that “…all is well, and all will be well, and all manner of thing will be well.” As she reflects on the “secrets” of God, she sees them wrapped up in “…one marvelous act, He makes all thing well.”

I find in these statements of faith a reminder that all that is happening in my life on this earth has a larger purpose and will indeed be “all right” in the larger/eternal picture. Yes, I know this, but I need to hear it stated again in the exciting and hopeful way that Julian chooses. When I contemplate the “hazelnut concept” of substantiality “in comparison to the eternal nature of God, and in comparison to the love of God,” the more I am able to rest in what He is doing in secret, while being alert to moving further on in my spiritual life with Him. Julian found great comfort and encouragement in contemplating this truth over and over again, and I am inspired to do the same in these days. I am endeavoring to contemplate the invisible attributes of God with the understanding that even in my numbness and blindness, He is walking beside me.

A second theological truth that has been of particular encouragement to me in this Lenten Season, has been that nothing we experience is outside of Christ. His suffering took in all that I suffer. He alone can satisfy. Christ is my brother who will never make light of my suffering. Christ had to suffer in order to come into my “estate” which is really a prison in which my soul is condemned. I am created “to be a courteous gift of love – a gift with which the Father honors the Son…”

I have fallen in love with Him all over again because of his “courteous gift of love.” During Holy Week, I contemplated the Passion of my Lord and in this time I found that I was dwelling on the three points of contemplation that Julian recommends: the suffering of my Lord, how He is my heavenly Lover, and the high and noble nature of the Lord as He reigns in my soul. I am wanting to live with my “face pressed against the face of (my) Lord,” knowing that “He could not be closer if He were holding (me), pressing (me) to himself, (our) two faces touching.”

That was my meditation in 2005 when I was going through thyroid cancer and subsequent adjustment. I close this devotion with the prayer Bruce brought to us on Sunday.

Prayer of Rest

Blessed Savior, I am not good at resting in the hollow of your hand. Nothing in my experience has taught me this resting. I have been taught how to take charge. I have been taught how to be in control. But how to rest? No, I have no models, no paradigms for resting.

That is not exactly right. Jesus, when you walked among the Jerusalem crowds and in the Judean hills, you pioneered this way of living. You were always alert and alive. You lived utterly responsive to the will of the Father. Manifold demands were placed upon you, and still you worked in unhurried peace and power.

Help me to walk in your steps. Teach me to see only what you see, to say only what you say, to do only what you do. Help me, Lord, to work resting and to pray resting.

I ask this in your good and strong name. — Amen.

Foster, Richard J., Prayer - 10th Anniversary Edition: Finding the Heart's True Home (pp. 184-186). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.